Letter to Headmistress Goes Viral re: Girls Maxi Dress06/05/2013 11:21
Dear Headmistress Perkins,
I am writing this letter under strong protest and mental duress. I realize that I acted out in class, but I do not think it is fair that I am being punished so. Yes, I do know that girls should not yell, scream, punch, kick, or urinate themselves in the classroom. And I do concede that I did several of those things. I apologize, but again, what I did should be excused. Allow me, if I may, to describe my unique situation to you.
I had just arrived to school wearing a brand new girls maxi dress, seen here, that my step mother bought me for my half birthday. It really was a very beautiful dress. The colors were bold and vibrant. The style was retro, yet also fashion forward. It really was on trend, tasteful, but also fun and whimsical. How many outfits can you say that about? Certainly not those plastic bags that Ashley Underwood wears on campus. Why doesn't anyone ever throw her in detention for that look? It's no girls maxi dress, that's for ding dang sure. Anyway, I was quite excited to wear it to the institute so that I could demonstrate my fashion superiority to the other girls. The already knew it, undoubtedly, but it's good that they be reminded. It keeps them humbled, and that's important IMHO. If there's one quality that seems to be lacking for today's youth, it's humility and grace. Hopefully, I can tell them that by example. And don't you think that should count as my 3 hours of weekly community service? I do. But I suppose we can table that discussion for another day.
When I arrived to my first period homeroom class five minutes fashionably late, I was quite enthusiastic about learning and being a model student. And by that I mean, a student who sometimes models. LOL. Unfortunately, in my haste to sit down, I sat before looking. And that fat, bloated idiot Phillip Wasserstein left his open magic marker on my chair. The ink got all over my maxi dress. My brand new maxi!! Can I be faulted for yelling and screaming? Can I be blamed for punching him in the gonads while holding a roll of quarters like a pair of brass knuckles. Of course not. And who could fault me for choking him to the ground and shoving an eraser in his mouth while I boxed his ears with a pair of textbooks? No one. This is completely normal and rational behavior. I hazard to say that you would do the same if your new girls maxi dress was ruined by a careless troll. By the way, it was only by the grace of God that I was able to find another, even more beautiful maxi dress for girls on this site. Naturally, I wouldn't ever tell you where I find it. But as a gesture of good will, I will send you the link. Maybe then you will reconsider my suspension. Here it is.