Precocious birthday dress girl
I am a lady, so my age is none of your business. How dare you! You're never supposed to ask a lady her age. I have a good mind to just end this conversation. But because I'm vain, and because I'm an incorrigible egomaniac, I shall continue with my rant.
My name is Violet Beuchamp and I'm a recovering nine year old. Ha! Just kidding, I'm ten, but I look eight, and I act fourteen. It's called being complex. Get used to it, simpleton. This year, for my birthday, I got the cutest birthday dress. It was so cute, that I'm actually considering having another birthday next week, just to get another birthday girl dress. Eeek. Just kidding. I would never chose to grow older before schedule. How horrific. A lady must maintain her youthful appearance.
The birthday dress this girl received came wrapped like a piece of pretty pink candy in fabric. I almost threw it away because I never eat sweet. I need to maintain this girlish figure for my next birthday if I'm going to continue to fit into my dress. LOL. I also have a nasty pet goat that I keep in the backyard. I sometimes make him wear girls dresses just to show him who is boss. Then he usually eats the dress, to show me that he's a disgusting savage animal. For my next birthday, I'm going to put him in a dress that shows off his large and disgusting butt. Ha. That would be such a hoot. Even better than getting a girls birthday dress on my special day.
I sometimes wonder if this girl should dress fancy even on days when it's not her birthday. Then I pinch myself and remind myself that yes, I should always look pretty and fancy. I am a girl soon to be lady. I must treat every day like it's my birthday. My birthday is on July 4th. That makes me the most important girl in america, don't you think?
My mother looks like she's had a hundred birthdays. Seriously. What a train wreck. I think she's thirty, and yikes, what a look. She should wear a dress over her face so girls don't have to look at her. Aren't I a wonderful little treat. I bet you wish you could just take me home and squeeze me, I'm such a treat. If you want to peruse a wonderful selection of girls birthday dresses, check out this lovely site. I should get paid for promoting it, but i don't. I'm doing it gratis because I'm such a treasure!